For some people, the thought of spending time alone sounds about as appealing as eating raw eggs. But for others, including me, it is a vacation from the world. What does it mean to be someone that values time spent alone? 

Some people prefer the company of themselves over other people. This can be for a number of reasons, such as:

• Introversion
• Low Energy Personalities
• Specific Activities and Hobbies
• Preferring Peace and Quiet
• Reflective Thought
• Required For Work
• Avoiding Interpersonal Drama
• Disliking People
• Independence
• Depression and Anxiety

Most people that spend a lot of their time alone have some good reasons behind it. It might seem weird to someone who really needs social interaction and the presence of others to thrive, but it is completely normal, in most cases. Let’s explore some of these reasons why someone might prefer their own company to the company of others.

Is it Normal to Prefer Being Alone?

Both introverts and extraverts can enjoy some quality alone time, but you may find that solitude tends to fit the personality of an introvert a bit better. Those that need a lot of alone time might do so simply because they enjoy the silence. 

Peace and quiet go well with their inner self. They may be a person that is hypersensitive to stimuli in the world around them. It could be that they have a specific hobby that few people enjoy as much as them, and it requires their undivided attention. There are many traits that go along with craving solitude. 

They Are An Introvert

The term “Introvert” has been highly popularized by one of my favorite philosophers – Carl Gustav Jung. Introversion is a personality trait that is often defined by how an individual recharges their energy and where they place their focus.

Introverts’ attention is directed inward and they recover their energy by spending time by themselves or with a small group of very close friends.

There are actually four types of introversion and they can overlap. For someone that has an extraverted personality, introverts can seem like strange alien creatures that slink quietly in the shadows, just out of sight. Let’s clear the air on the four types of introverts. While they are the type of people that prefer solitude, they are far from alien.

• Social Introverts: The most common type of introvert around, and probably what you think of when you hear the word. Social introverts prefer their company in small groups, instead of large ones. They might prefer something like a small dive bar over a crowded dance club when they think of going out for a fun night.

  The smaller the crowd, the better, even to the point where there is no one else at all. Social introverts can be completely content staying home and watching a movie or reading a book on Friday night, while others might hit the town, meeting as many new people as possible. It doesn’t mean that they don’t like people, or enjoy activities with others. It’s just that they don’t need that sort of stimulation to feel satisfied in life.

• Anxious Introverts: These introverts prefer to be alone out of social anxiety. It may be that they are socially awkward, or even that they just assume that they are. Anxious introverts tend to overthink social interactions to the point that they are mentally exhausted, thus, the need for seclusion. For an anxious introvert, it is difficult to get out of the headspace of worrying once it’s begun. Unfortunately for an anxious introvert, avoiding people can sometimes be the only respite for them.
• Restrained Introverts: A restrained introvert is reserved. They aren’t the type of person to look before they leap. They require everything they say and every action they take to be heavily analyzed beforehand. They can be slow to start. So even though they might not be socially anxious, or necessarily socially awkward, human interaction can really drain their energy, and likewise test the patients of others around them. 
• Thinking Introvert: A thinking introvert might not hate groups of people or even huge crowds. But, for a thinking introvert, these are just not things that interest them or hold their attention. A thinking introvert is extremely self-reflective, introspective and a deep thinker.

  The novelty of fun means little to them as they are already enveloped in a rich inner world, and sometimes a rich inner fantasy. These are the type of people that can spend most of their lives on their own, yet are completely happy.  The notion of a sci-fi/fantasy lover comes to mind when thinking of someone that fits this description.

When it comes down to basics, all introverts tend to turn inwards. While extraverts get their energy from talking with other people, partaking in big events and mixing and mingling in large crowds, an introvert gets their energy from within. Often, in order to capitalize on that internal energy and introspection, it helps to be alone. 

They Are A Low Energy Person

While extraversion and introversion can certainly describe a lot about a person, these personality types are still just a small part of someone’s being.  Whether they are an extravert or an introvert, some people may also be considered a low energy personality.

For someone with low energy, whatever they do with that energy, matters more. A low energy person might be approaching utter exhaustion by the end of the workday. Instead of going out with the coworkers for drinks and appetizers on Friday evening, a low energy person is not on the same page. While their coworkers are ready to cut loose, unwind with fun and friends, a low energy person is ready for their well earned weekend rest. Cue the sweatpants, slippers, and Netflix. 

It’s not just that they are lazy or that they suffer from chronic fatigue, it’s that their energy reserves work differently than others. They take longer to recharge, especially from social interactions, and so they focus on the things that they know are going to satisfy, like home life, hobbies, interests, and passions. 

It’s all about energy management. A low energy person knows that if they go to the corner bar on Friday night like all their coworkers want them to, the rest of their weekend is shot. Then they won’t have the energy for their hobbies and passions and instead will spend all of Saturday recovering. 

Basically, some people just need more time to recharge their batteries. This applies to their social, mental, and physical batteries. This is not necessarily a purely introverted trait, but there are certainly more introverts that suffer from lower energy than their counterparts.

They May Have Very Specific Interests

You probably aren’t going to meet very many amateur astronomers out on a Friday night. Why is that, you may ask? Because they are at home, looking at the stars through a telescope of course. For someone, like say an amateur astronomer, their favorite hobby requires isolation, far from city lights and a majority of their time is spent looking through a series of mirrors set in a tube. 

Even a hobby as simple as reading is a solo activity. It may be that for someone that prefers to be alone, they are very internally motivated. The things that interest them, that really get their motor running, are solo activities. These activities may require a high level of focus, attention to detail or precision that are only afforded when one removes all distractions.

…And Specific Jobs

Some people that thrive in solitude can take it a step further by making it their livelihood. There are a number of careers that can keep a person away from other people or even away from civilization altogether for long periods of time. 

It may be that someone doesn’t like working with others, or they want to be their own boss. It could be that they just don’t like people in general. Up to 85% of people in any given workplace can be part of some sort of workplace coworker conflict at some point in their career. Some choose to skip all that, forgoing coworkers for solitude in their career. Some jobs for those that prefer to go it alone are…

• Network Administrator: For those that prefer the company of computer systems to people.
• Web & Software Developer: For those that would rather learn machine language and source code than learn to talk to people
• Research Scientist: A research scientist could spend months at sea, in a desert, a modern laboratory or behind a desk in a dark corner of a university library, alone and appreciating it.
• Economist: Watching the ebb and flow of the economy and tracing back its history is certainly an endeavor for the bold rogue loner.
• Mechanical Engineer: Math and machines. There isn’t much room for coworkers anyway, they’d only get in the way of the grand design.
• Accountant: Some people prefer the company of spreadsheets and calculators. They might work for a large company or independently, but they aren’t getting micromanaged every step of the way.
• Writer: Ah, to be a writer. Alone behind a desk, tapping keys and sipping coffee. The fantasy of many a man and woman that prefers to be alone. A thinking introvert may fit in this solo career very well.
• Dog Walker: We all know that dogs are awesome, so why not surround yourself with man’s best friend and skip the small talk.
• Park Ranger: Away from civilization, out among the mountains, rivers and trees. A park ranger could spend long stretches of time without seeing another person or even getting decent cell phone reception.

It may be that it is not necessarily their personality type or the things they do for fun that could drive a person to prefer to be alone. It could be that the career they are passionate about has driven them far from civilization. Although, it could still be said that they came by that career as a means to escape the company of their fellow man.

They Are Avoiding Drama

Just as there are cities where it is impossible to get a decent meal or towns where there is nothing fun to do, there are places where some people have no luck finding quality people to spend their time with. 

It may be at their workplace, school, or just out and about, but they can never seem to find someone that they see eye to eye with. In a small town, everyone knows everyone. One bad date can result in word getting around. Then no more dates, good or bad, are to be had.

This is a very unfortunate situation that some people can find themselves in. In order to have a meaningful relationship, people’s values need to at least somewhat align, and for some people this might just not happen. For someone like this, the only solution they can think of is to stay home and entertain themselves. Their only other option might be leaving the place where they live in hope for better horizons and shared values.

They Don’t Like People 

Misanthropy is defined as the general hatred, dislike, distrust or contempt of the human species and/or human nature. A misanthrope or misanthropist is someone who holds such views or feelings.

Sometimes it’s just in our nature not to get along with other people. Charles Bukowski when asked, “do you hate people?” Famously said, in the film Barfly, “I don’t hate them…I just feel better when they’re not around.”

For some of us, that about sums it up. Someone that prefers to be alone could very well be classified as a misanthrope. It could be that they’ve experienced trauma at the hands of a terrible person or people. Perhaps they have seen more bad people than good in their life and they prefer to stay away in order to feel safe. 

Whatever the reason, they’ve moved away from the company of people and it makes them feel better for it. People who have been hurt by others may be protecting themselves from being hurt again.

They may be constantly in the company of people that they find shallow, feeble or morally repulsive in their daily lives and time spent alone feels better than anything else. It isn’t that these types of loners are at any sort of fault here. If they do not value human companionship, there is simply no benefit in convincing them otherwise.

But, if you do know someone like this that you value, it can be wise to check in on them from time to time. Those people that have been seemingly forced into isolation by a cruel and unfair world, can have a hard time asking for help when they need it. So reach out if you feel like someone could use a hand to help or an ear to listen.

They Are Independent

Independent people like things their way. It may be selfish, but they’ve made peace with that and they’ve accepted the way that they are. People that value their independence have a plan for things and it isn’t to be disrupted. 

They might see little value in dating, friends or building relationships of any kind other than what they need to survive. These people are true to their values and swaying them from their path may be next to impossible.

They Suffer From Depression Or Anxiety

Or both. Those that have the symptoms of one often experience some of the symptoms of the other. Depression and anxiety can make it very difficult for people to be around others. Depression can make it so that all of the fun and excitement that comes with social interaction is hard to come by. It may make things worse when those around them can’t understand them and they need to isolate in order to get better control over their depression.

People like me who struggle with severe anxiety can suffer from constant rumination and worry that makes social interaction exhausting to the point that having fun with others is impossible.

Also, there are a myriad of mental disorders and illnesses that can drive people into isolation. For some it is a safe coping mechanism that helps them when they are struggling, but for others, it can be a sign that they are not doing well. 

If you suspect that someone you care about is acting out of character and isolating themselves when they normally would not, you should reach out. They may need help. Depression can strike so strongly and so suddenly that it can be hard for a person to get the help they need and they can turn inwards.

It might be something as simple as a phone call, or stopping by their home. You might coax them, gently out of the house. I know from personal experience that sunshine and a coffee with a loved one can do a lot for someone who is struggling.

If you can’t seem to help there are resources like NIMH( National Institute of Mental Health), or SAMHSA, the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration, that can help a lot to anyone struggling with depression and anxiety. When you or someone you love is in a dire situation, don’t be afraid to reach out. You need to get all the help you can get.

So What Does It All Mean?

People can choose to be alone for a large number of reasons. We scratched the surface pretty well in this article, but there are still many reasons someone may want to be left alone. Most of them are fairly innocent and entirely healthy, so you needn’t worry. And some of them, might not like people very much.

But remember, if you notice someone you know suddenly isolating more than usual, or becoming increasingly withdrawn. Reach out. They may need a hand.