Can You Be Shy And Confident At The Same Time?
Shyness and confidence don’t always seem to go hand-in-hand. Often, a person appears to be one or the other. The media has linked shyness with self-doubt while pairing confidence with being extroverted. It isn’t commonly seen to both be shy and confident. However, the media isn’t always accurate in portraying real life. You can define confidence in different ways, as well.
While being shy and confident may come off as an oxymoron of sorts, it is possible to be both. It depends on how confidence is defined. If confidence is measured by being social with others, shyness may not promote that aspect of it. However, if confidence is measured on how well an instrument is played, that can showcase a shy person’s spirit. So, a shy person can feel shy around others, but confident in their piano playing ability. Many shy people may also exude confidence when talking about areas they excel in.
You should also note that shyness and confidence are both feelings and that they fluctuate. You can feel confident in some instances, while shy in others. Shyness occurs when you feel uncomfortable with a new change or group of people. Confidence as defined in this research, is the belief that a person can execute a specific activity, rather than a global trait that accounts for overall performance optimism. Given that these two separate feelings can coexist it can be challenging to navigate through.
Does Being Shy Mean You Lack Confidence?
Being shy doesn’t mean that you lack confidence in all areas, just in whatever immediate environment that you find yourself. This feeling can occur when learning a new skill or having to perform in front of a large crowd of strangers. While these can be challenging times, you may also excel in those areas and are uncomfortable in others. It’s a matter of perspective and will differ from person to person.
Assess the Situation in Which You Feel Shy
Shyness is a feeling, just like any other feeling, that differs from person to person. You may feel shy around extended family, while your sibling feels right at home. On the flip-side, you may feel right at home talking to strangers, while your sibling just wants to disappear. Take a moment to think about when you last felt shy, and that can help you figure out why you felt that way.
Shyness Can Mean That You Lack Experience
Confidence most often stems from experience, so having a lack of experience would make you feel shy or nervous. If you practice a skill or experience enough times, you may notice that your shyness will start to fade, and you will feel more confident. Another form of shyness can also come from feeling uncomfortable, which may mean that you don’t like the situation or event that you’re going through.
What Can I Do If I Feel Shy?
Let’s start with feeling shy. This is a feeling that can come around when you start to feel nervous, anxious or uncomfortable. This can happen right before a big performance or when meeting strangers for the first time. You may socially shut down and not interact much with others. Your body may also shake or sweat from feeling nervous around others or in the situation.
Don’t Let Other People’s Opinions Sway You
Often, shyness is used as a descriptive word used usually when someone makes a surface level-judgment about somebody else. She’s just shy. He doesn’t speak much because he’s shy. These words may be something that you have heard someone else say about you or someone around you. It often describes someone who is introverted and reserved, or may appear to lack confidence.
However, it is truly a feeling that can change as the person feeling it becomes more comfortable in the situation. If you hear someone talking about you – ignore them and keep working on getting comfortable.
Shyness May Be a Sign That You Want to Leave the Situation or Person
The bottom line is that shyness is derived from something, whether it’s a situation or person that creates the feeling. This feeling can come from a lack of experience in the position or just a lack of comfort. Body signs can be limited speaking, shaking, racing heart, feeling anxious which may disappear once you leave that situation or person. It should be noted that shyness very often is misunderstood, especially if the person being called shy is merely more introverted rather than uncomfortable in the situation.
Let’s be honest here for a second, my fellow introvert.
It’s just gonna be our secret. Because, we both know, most times when someone calls you shy – you’re actually not. You just don’t like that person, that’s all.
I’m kidding, of course… of course. 🙂
How Can I Become More Comfortable?
If you’ve given the same speech twenty times to a crowd of people, you may feel more confident than when you gave it the first time. Your level of comfort defines how sure you are feeling. This factor is the opposite of how being shy feels. Confidence is also a feeling, and can change as quickly as feeling shy can change in a given situation.
Be Sure To Trust Yourself and Your Past Experiences
When you are feeling sure of yourself, you won’t be feeling nervous or shaky. You will likely be calm or even a bit cocky about what you are doing. People may also flock to you because they can sense how confident you feel and want to interact with someone like that. This factor may also be why confidence is so sought after in job interviews or relationships. People want to be around others who feel comfortable and excited as it empowers people and has a positive effect on their morale.
Comfort Will Give Way to Confidence
Feeling comfortable in a situation or with someone can also come off as feeling confident. You are more likely to interact and seek out others when you are feeling sure of yourself. You can expect to revisit a situation or person if you do feel comfortable with them. Someone shy may gain confidence by merely being more relaxed after a change or condition has been met.
How Can I Feel More Confident?
If you feel like you tend to be a shyer person compared to a confident one, you can change that. The best way is to practice being confident. You can do this by working on your level of competence: by rehearsing your speech or how you approach new people. Role-play can be a great way to calm nerves, so you will know how to act or what to say to others. Building comfort will ensure that you also build confidence.
There is a reason why many people practice their speeches and sometimes role-play whole potential conversations in front of the mirror. Because it works.
Fake It Until You Make It
Just merely acting confident is a great way to make others around you think that you feel that way. The more times you practice being confident, the easier it will be to think that way. Soon enough, you’ll find that you naturally feel confident in the setting that made you nervous. When this happens, you can stop pretending, and the interaction or environment will feel natural.
Usually, I’d say that this piece of advice is absolutely terrible. But there is one exception.
And this is it ; it takes courage to put yourself out there and believe in yourself that you can do whatever it is that you set out to do.
And when it comes to courage, here’s my favorite part – you can’t fake courage. Trying to fake courage would take a real act of courage.
That’s why, you gotta trust yourself, even if you don’t feel confident yet, in due time it will come to you. Just like Nike says, Just do it!
Experience Various Situations And People
Experience in feeling nervous can help you overcome that nervousness. This action should be done within a safe environment at all times. If you feel uncomfortable around certain people or situations that can be unsafe, follow your gut and get out of there.
When you are sure that you are safe where you are, feel free to practice interacting with others. You may find that you feel more confident than you thought, and you’ll be even more so the next time you find yourself in the same situation.
Your definition of shy will determine whether or not you can feel confident at the same time. If you equate shyness with nervousness, then you might not be able to be confident too. However, if you see shyness as merely being quiet, you can be confident in your skills and not be a social person. In that case, you can have both feelings at the same time.
