When you are in a relationship, you need to make sure you consider yours and your partners’ mental health. If you are arguing or complaining too much, then it could cause a strain in your relationship and you should start considering methods to resolve any issues.
Complaining isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but it can become something negative if the issue is not addressed.
You are allowed to complain about your relationship, but there are some signs that you should be aware of to prevent it from going too far. Don’t be scared of conflict or complaints about a relationship, this is just a sign that an issue must be addressed.
Signs You’re Complaining Too Much
This is the start to figuring out if you are truly happy in your relationship, or if the issue can be fixed. Are you simply complaining about your partner snoring, or is there a major underlying issue there?
If you aren’t willing to first figure out what the problem is, then you’ll never be able to get the issue solved. Make sure to consider your complaint. If your issue was resolved, would that make you happy? Or perhaps there is another issue and you either don’t realize it, or don’t want to address it.
You Only Share the Negative Side
This is a main issue you may run into, constantly complaining about your partner and never bring up the positives. Is there a reason you aren’t talking about the positives? If you are only able to see the negatives in a relationship, then you should probably take a moment to consider why this is.
A healthy relationship has a balance, and that can often include being unsatisfied in certain areas of your relationship. You’ve got to pick your battles! However, when you are continuously seeing only the bad, then this is a major sign that you may be complaining too much. It could also be a sign of a relationship that you need to stop complaining about, and start taking action to fix.
How Can You Fix it?
This is one of the easier fixes, thankfully. Even if you feel like you’re being completely honest, making sure to include some positives about your partner is the only way to really do it. Just because you don’t think there’s something positive at that moment, you can definitely find at least one good thing to say.
Many of Your Conversations with Others are About Your Relationship
The first people many of us usually complain to, are friends or family. When you are upset, it’s understandable, that you want to go to someone who will support you and agree with any discontent. It can be a good place to start to learn if you actually do complain too much. BUT, it could be a terrible idea overall.
Asking a friend about their thoughts on the validity of your complains may add some clarity, since they will usually only know what you tell them or what they see. This could put things in perspective for you, as it might help you learn if you really are overly negative, or just a healthy balance.
An important side note. There’s nothing wrong to ask your family and friends for an advice. But don’t go around complaining about your partner behind their back. That’s wrong on so many levels. That’s the quickest way to end your relationship when they find out. As you are not addressing the issue with the person who you supposedly trust more than anyone in this world, but deliberately decide not to, and instead you go and talk about it with somebody else.
No relationship can survive without trust and respect. Going behind your partner’s back violates both. That’s a private matter between the two of you. Go and address the issue with them directly, so that you can actually do something about it.
And you perfectly now that no matter how much you disclose the details of your relationship issues to your friends and family, no one knows the whole picture but you, making any sort of feedback you get futile. No one knows what is really going behind the closed doors, beside the two of you. Go to the partner and work on resolving the issues.
But what if you are unwilling to fix the issue you are complaining about. But you’re still complaining about it.
How Can You Fix That?
Then it is time to consider if you are actually happy in your current relationship. If you are complaining with no plan to make the issue better, then that is a sign that you are complaining too much.
If you are scared to address the issue because you think the relationship may end, then this is a sign that there is already a major issue. Ignoring the problem will most likely cause you to break up for sure in the end. If you address it early, then it could be something you can both work through together.
You are allowed to complain to them about it, but if you aren’t planning to work towards a solution, then that may be a sign that you don’t want the issue solved. It may be time to move on and let your partner and you be happy with other people.
These Subjects Dominate Your Conversations
There are plenty of common issues within a relationship, and most of these have simple solutions. Simple solutions usually mean addressing the issue and talking with your partner to work through the issue, or acknowledge that the relationship might not be the best for you both.
If you find yourself engaging in conversations that don’t often start on these subjects, but end up here, it’s possible that you’re monopolizing the talks so that you can purge your own thoughts.
Although these are common issues that stir up complaining, they’re all very unique and require different fixes.
Money Issues
This is a relatively common argument between any couple. When two people grow up differently, conflict will surely arise in these areas when different viewpoints start appearing. You shouldn’t feel like you can’t complain about this at all, but there is a point when you should realize there is a bigger issue.
Addressing The Conflict
The biggest thing to note in this situation, is that you were both raised in fairly different ways. Money is a difficult topic for many, so this may be part of the issue. It could even be the matter that your partner isn’t able to find a job or make money.
The first step in addressing the conflict, is to find the root of the problem. This is a difficult subject, so make sure to know this before going to your partner to talk about it. The conversation that follows will help you feel out the situation better.
It isn’t a bad thing to be complaining about money issues, but you should be able to sit down with your partner to talk about it.
Feelings
This usually stems from an argument or comment that hurts you or your partners’ feelings. Letting these bottle up over time can make you complain more and feel unhappy in your relationship. It isn’t uncommon for the issue to be ignored, which causes the instigator to continue saying these things since they won’t know how their partner may feel.
Talking It Out
The main key to any healthy relationship, is being willing to talk about these feelings. Everyone makes a mistake, and sometimes they don’t even know it. So the best thing to do is to talk with them about it.
If they hurt your feelings or said something that made you feel invalidated, tell them. This is the point where you’ll learn more about them and you. Addressing these issues as they occur will minimalize them down the road. You can’t let these feelings fester or your relationship won’t be able to survive these negative feelings.
Unhealthy Arguments
This is usually a sign of an unhealthy or toxic relationship. If you want to now more on this topic, I’ve written an article on how relationships become toxic and what you can do to prevent it.
Unhealthy arguments tend to involve one or both partners insulting each other or being derogatory. You do not want to be in a relationship where you are both fighting each other in this way.
Dissolving the Argument
The main way to work through this, is by addressing what the actually issue is. These arguments tend to come from a different problem that has grown over time and transformed into this new issue. This can even stem from one of the previous issues, like money.
Sometimes you and your partner may not know what started the arguments, but it isn’t common for it to come from nowhere. This isn’t saying that this doesn’t happen in truly unhealthy relationships.
If you or your partner are starting these arguments with no basis, then it is time to take a step back and reevaluate your relationship. Sometime personalities, goals, and values don’t mesh well and you both will need to acknowledge this. Staying in a relationship that is constantly tearing one of you down is never a good idea for either partner.
Personality
You will most likely have something about your partner that you don’t like. This can be a small issue, or it could be something much deeper. Having an issue with a core personality trait of your partner is something you should most definitely take time to consider.
Personality Differences
Sometimes there isn’t a solution to an issue, especially if you or your partner don’t like something that is a core part of someone’s personality. Let’s say they are very introverted, and it bothers you. You shouldn’t try to change them. You can’t. Your best bet, is to let them go.
Of course, there are small quirks that can be addressed, like eating habits or where they put their dishes. These are small issues that can be adjusted to or somewhat changed over time.
However, if the issue you have with them is something that is a deep part of their personality and you can’t adjust to this piece of your partner, then it may be time to move on so you both can be happy.
Communication
As I’ve mentioned previously, communication is a very important part in any relationship. If you or your partner aren’t willing to tell each other your plans, or one of you tends to ignore the other, then it may be time to sit down and talk it through.
Talking About Communication
You can’t have a relationship without communication. I mentioned this multiple times previously, but a relationship depends on you and your partner talking with each other about any issues. This extends into day-to-day activities as well, not just serious issues.
The biggest issue with this, is one partner may complain and dislike talking about the issue. You must address this and make sure you both acknowledge how this could negatively affect your relationship. You aren’t able to ignore a conversation that needs to happen.
If one of you is tuning the other out during a conversation, then this could hurt someone’s feelings and cause discontent in the relationship. Communication is in every day life, and you can’t forget to treat your partner as an equal.
No More Passion
As you are in a relationship longer, you may start to realize that there is less of an effort. This could be on your part, or your partner`s, but the issue can start to hurt either of your feelings. Feeling like someone no longer cares as much for you can hurt and cause a rift between you both before you even realize it.
Put In the Effort
Usually this issue is more noticeable to one partner before the other. There is a relatively simple solution to beginning to fix this problem, which starts with whoever first noticed the issue.
If you don’t feel like there is as much passion or effort in your relationship, then simply tell your partner. Let them know how you feel, and make plans.
It could be something as simple as a dinner, or even a pizza date at the house. Just have something planned that you both can do together.
The real issue starts to appear if you are continuously the only one putting effort into your relationship. They require constant hard work from both parties. Relationships can’t be about one person pouring themselves into it, you have to find a balance so that you can both be happy. Don’t ever settle for a mediocre relationship when there is someone who is just as passionate as you.
Blaming Them
You can’t put the blame on one person in a relationship. If you are still in a relationship that makes you unhappy, you need to address if its their fault or yours. This is similar with any issue that may occur. If you believe that any issue in the relationship is your partners fault, then it may be time to take a step back a analyze yourself.
Looking At Yourself
People who put the blame on others, like their significant other, are often scared to address the issues within themselves. This is the first step to moving past this issue. Sometimes a situation will come up that will be your partners fault, but there are also times that you will be the guilty party.
Continuing to refuse any blame in the relationship is unhealthy and it may be time to end it before you hurt yourself and your partner more. Don’t hurt someone just because you are hurting yourself. Instead, allow them to help you instead of dragging you both down further.
Jealousy Issues
Jealousy can cause many arguments between partners, especially when it comes to an old ex. These issues can be especially bad if the jealousy is over someone you are close to, like a friend or coworker.
Addressing Jealousy
The best way to dissolve any issues with jealousy, is to talk with your partner. If you are the jealous party, then you need to let them know so they can help work through what the issue is. Being jealous isn’t necessarily a bad thing, everyone feels it, but letting it take over your relationship can cause large amounts of negativity.
If your partner is the jealous party, then you would need to do the same for them. If it continues to be an issue, then you will need to start considering other ways to either reassure them or possibly even end the relationship.
Jealousy becomes an issue when your partner or you stop trusting each other. This is when arguments start to occur, and when distrust will grow. You need to address this before it gets to this point, or acknowledge that you may not be able to trust each other enough to be in this relationship.
Friends And Family
Introducing your partner to your friends or family is an important part in most relationships. It means you are introducing people that are important to you, to each other. This doesn’t mean that they have to absolutely get along, as great as it would be. It isn’t uncommon for your friends or family to just be on friendly terms, but you should be aware of any underlying issues.
These usually become an issue if you address it. Often, a relationship won’t be able to last if you can’t get along with your partners’ family or friends (unless you alienate them all). Having disagreements, or complaining about them can cause discomfort in a relationship.
Keeping The Peace
You shouldn’t have to be the peacekeeper between your partner and everyone else. This doesn’t mean you can’t try to address what the issue is, and even let your partner or others know that this issue is causing problems.
While you may want your partner to be friends with your friends, or close with your family, sometimes personalities just don’t mesh. It comes down to you and how it affects your outlook on the relationship.
The Future
If you have been with your partner for a while, then you should be able to start talking about more serious plans for your future. Being able to talk about this and continue growing a relationship is important. However, sometimes you can identify future issues while discussing these plans.
Is There A Future?
Talking about your relationship and where it’s headed is an important step in any relationship. This is a sign that you are ready to grow together and look to what your future could be. This is often where you will start seeing differences in opinions that will need to be addressed.
Most of these could be minor disagreements, but sometimes they could be major roadblocks. Addressing these now will save you a lot of stress that may occur later on and prevent more heartbreak if you are not able to work it out.
Seeking A Professional
Sometimes an issue between two people can feel too difficult to get over, and sometimes you may need additional help. This is common for people who are married or have kids and truly want to work things out. This option isn’t common for those who are only dating or been together for a short while.
Going to a professional is sometimes necessary, and is definitely a good thing. Sometimes it is helpful to get professional guidance to get a better understanding of the situation, without being someone like a friend who can be biased.
Final Thoughts
Complaining about a relationship isn’t necessarily a bad thing, everyone has their complaints and it tends to help release any frustrations. The key to a healthy relationship is to be able to sit down and talk with your partner without accusing them or putting the blame on them.
However, there is a point that you should be aware of when you are complaining without wanting to find a solution. Or, you could be complaining because there may not be a happy solution.
Sometimes you have to acknowledge if a relationship is bad for you and you need to exit it, even if it may hurt at the time.
However, in time you’ll be glad you did so when you find someone that makes you happy and you realize you don’t want to complain.
