Do Introverts Have Low Self-Esteem?
Many people consider avoidance of large social gatherings as a sign of low self-esteem. They may want to help their friends overcome their fears of people by asking them to join them in outings where they know there will be large crowds. Unfortunately, what many people see as avoidance signs are introversion signs and don’t need to be fixed.
Not all introverts have low self-esteem, and not all people with low self-esteem are introverts. Although the two patterns of behavior may look similar, one does not directly cause the other.
To clear up the confusion surrounding self-esteem and introversion, I think it’s essential to know what those two words mean, and the most common logical fallacy people fall into when it comes to those two traits.
Introversion versus Extroversion
People generally fall into one of two categories regarding their preference for being around people: introverts and extroverts. Those two are factors on personality assessments, highly popularized by – Carl Gustav Jung, a Swiss psychiatrist and psychoanalyst. He talks about it in his famous book “Psychological Types.“
Introversion and Extroversion – the two categories are considered broader personality traits rather than opinions about oneself. They are neither positive nor negative, but instead, how people are. They’re generally defined by how people recover energy and where they put the most of their focus.
I think it’s important to point out that there is a spectrum where the introversion sits on one end, and the extroversion on the other. Every person falls somewhere in between. Personally, I’d say I’m about 90% introvert, 10% extrovert. You are somewhere on that continuum too. Those that fall in the middle are called ambiverts.
Our personalities are very unique and extremely complicated. And contrary to the popular belief they are not set in stone – with lots of hard work and dedication YOU can change. It has been my personal experience. However you don’t have to trust me, there’s a massive literature on the subject nowadays that you can read. Here is just one of the researches that supports that.
I believe it’s great to know where you fall on that spectrum so that you can (if you want to, of course) make certain adjustments to your lifestyle and fit it around your personality to live a happier and more fulfilling life.
Psychology Today define introversion as a personality style characterized by a “preference for the mind’s inner life over the outer world of other people.”
Introverts regain energy from spending time alone and enjoying their own company and very close friends rather than large crowds. They value time to understand who they are away from other people.
In contrast, the Psychology Today‘s definition for extroversion is “a personality trait typically characterized by outgoingness, high energy, and talkativeness.”
Extroverts regain energy by surrounding themselves with people and interacting socially. They are more at home when they have many people to talk to and bounce ideas off of. While they’re okay with being alone, they’re way happier when they don’t have to be.
Going by these definitions, introversion and extroversion aren’t related to self-esteem at all, though they may have different ways of showing confidence in themselves.
Self-Esteem versus Confidence
An important distinction to draw is between self-esteem and confidence. Many people will use them interchangeably (I used to do that too), but they’re two very different concepts.
Self-esteem is defined by Merriam-Webster as having “a confidence and satisfaction in oneself.” This is intrinsic motivation, meaning that it comes from within the self rather than outside forces.
This doesn’t mean that your environment has no impact on your self-esteem. Because of course it does. In fact, having a supportive, encouraging environment can cause self-esteem to rise by inspiring a sense of self-worth. It’s just to say that self-esteem is your internal view of your worth and value.
Confidence is defined by Merriam-Webster as “a feeling or consciousness of one’s powers or of reliance on one’s circumstances.” Being confident means that you are sure of your capabilities in a certain situation. Unlike self-esteem, it can change rapidly from one situation to the next.
For instance, you may be confident in your ability to write a well-worded paper, but unconfident when asked to perform it out loud in front of a group.
While confidence is fluctuating, self-esteem is more far-reaching and intrinsic. And sure enough, your confidence can certainly be influenced by your self-esteem, but it is not a direct reflection of it.
Correlation versus Causation Fallacy
The main reason that many people assume that introverts have low self-esteem would be a logical fallacy known as correlation versus causation. Correlation is a simultaneous trending of patterns.
Causation is a direct relationship between two variables that influence each other. Many people confuse the two, assuming that because A is happening, then B is happening, when in fact, A and B are just happening at the same time, separately.
Prodigy Maker uses the example of a study done on women who participated in Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT). What the researchers found is that these women had lower instances of coronary heart disease, and so concluded that HRT prevents heart disease.
However, in reality, this lowered risk was because women who could afford HRT were from a social class that had better access to good diets and regular exercise. The trend of HRT participation and lowered heart disease risk were happening at the same time, completely independently.
The same can be said for introversion and low self-esteem. It might be that introverts happen to have experiences that lower their self-esteem, or that people with low self-esteem will begin to act like introverts to avoid situations that worsen their emotional health.
Anyone can be an introvert, and anyone can have low self-esteem, and while these two things can happen together, they don’t have to.
How to Tell the Difference Between Low Self-Esteem and Introversion
I think knowing that there is a difference between low self-esteem and introversion is very important, however, it’s also important to know how to spot those differences (and it’s definitely not by making surface-level judgments that many people like to make).
If you are genuinely worried about a friend or colleague that seems to be isolating themselves, you will want ways to know whether or not they need help.
Introverts know what it takes for them to recharge and be prepared for social interaction. They may have a small group of people with whom they are capable of interacting for long periods without needing to be alone but will need time to themselves after attending a larger event. Personally, sometimes I have to take a few days to fully recover from one of those. But everyone’s different.
Introverts will often say something like, They need to “recharge” or “recover,” but they will usually be happy to engage again after they’ve had that time.
People with low self-esteem, on the other hand, may not see themselves as worthy of being around, and will often make excuses to get out of socializing even after they’ve had time alone. They might try to pass it off as needing to recover, but the recovery time will never seem to end.
The important distinction is that people with low self-esteem will often completely isolate themselves in an effort not to be a “burden” on anyone else while introverts are clear about the fact that they’re just taking some time to care for themselves.
How to Help Introverts with Low Self-Esteem
The important thing to take away from this is that it helps no one to force people into situations that make them uncomfortable. You shouldn’t try to “help” your friends “be more confident” by pushing them to go out when they’d rather stay home.
Instead, you should talk to your friend. A genuine one on one vulnerable conversation. See if anything is bothering them, and find out how they view themselves by asking directly rather than assuming. Make sure that they know they are loved, valued, and respected by actively listening to them.
Hand in hand with that is that introverts who do have low self-esteem should know that they have someone to turn to that won’t force them to do things that might make the situation worse.
If you are an introvert with self-esteem issues, it may seem like the only solution presented to you is to “put yourself out there” and go out in large groups and talk to too many people at once. Although it’s a very popular advice given nowadays, I think it can do more harm than good if someone has a low self-esteem and they do not execute on the advice correctly.
Instead, a much better way to go around would be to try to find people who will accept that you’d prefer to interact on a smaller scale, and form those small, close-knit groups. Surround yourself with people that like you and accept you for who you are! People that value your time and opinions, who are willing to build you up in the ways that are comfortable for you.
This is really the key to self esteem, do not neglect it! Make sure that people around you are actually those who genuinely like you for you.
You do not need to be a party person to be a worthwhile friend. You are worthy, and you are enough. And the people you associate with should prove that to you.
If your self-esteem is a real issue for you, I’d suggest you take a really good look at people in your close circle. Be very selective, and decrease the time you spend with toxic or non-supportive friends and family members to a zero. Yes, I said it. Zero. There’s nothing more important than your physical and mental health. Take a good care of it!
Final Thoughts
Establishing a feeling of self-worth, aka self esteem, isn’t necessarily a challenge for introverts. But, conveying that self-esteem to others can be rather tricky. Introverts shy away from excessive public attention and overtly sharing their innermost thoughts, so showing self-esteem isn’t easy.
This also makes it tough to tell whether or not an introvert struggles with self-esteem. If someone close to you has introverted qualities, and you’re afraid they need a boost in self-esteem, remember to respect the fact that they’re not comfortable publicly sharing their feelings. Being a supportive friend is the best thing you can do.
