Being extremely lucky as I am, happiness is something I was able to find in my early teenage years. And I have been the happiest ever since.
Have I had it all laid out for me?
Hell no!
Life throws you a curve ball — go ahead, try catching that one.
Let me just name a few things that I didn’t anticipate…
My parents divorced. I developed severe allergies. New family member – stepfather, a drill sergeant who was really tough on me and my brothers. From the age of 3 to 18, I moved around a lot.
New schools, new cities, new everything. Lost all my friends. Cancer took my grandpa away. Stepfather’s mom died of diabetes.
Being colorblind and having a speech sound disorder got me a front-row ticket to being bullied back in Russia(couldn’t then and still can’t pronounce R and L correctly). Great times.
My dearest person on Earth had cancer. That was one of the most difficult times to go through. But then again, there was this break up that happened after we’ve been together for 9 years and 3 months.
Ouch.
I don’t wanna lie, at the time, that was really something. It broke me inside like nothing else did before. It just left me in pieces.
I thought I was done and out. It took me a long painful time to recover and get myself back to normal. But then again, what is “normal?”
There were many other things not that pleasant to experience first hand as well.
However, every year passes by and I feel happier than I’ve ever been in my life.
What’s the secret? Mindfulness.
Having the Right Mindset is the Name of the Game
First things first, let me elaborate on what I feel like happiness is?
To simply put, It’s a state of mind IN THE NOW.
To be happy is to feel great about who you are, where you are in life and where you’re heading.
It’s pretty simple.
However, why is that so many people are unhappy?
Or worse, kind of miserable.
I believe, one of many reasons is this:
If you ask a happy man or woman what it is that makes them happy. They’ll tell you, it’s having “this”, or doing “that”, most likely whatever it is they are passionate about.
Social Media pushes the same agenda of people flashing their fabulous lifestyles and the things they own, giving you this illusion that you can actually buy happiness.
It’s Literally the Tip of the Iceberg
The reason they’ll say that is because they got all of the important areas of their life under control, or they currently progressing on them in the right direction.
Then they add one more “thing” into the mix, and that “thing” becomes the tipping point for them to be happy.
As a result, they point out so eagerly, wow, this particular “ONE” thing is the reason why I’m so happy. It’s hard to believe how much joy it brings into my life.
They neglect to mention all of the other extremely important(to them) areas of their lives that they got taken care of.
What happens is, we desperately want to be happy, so we go ahead and mimic what the others are doing. And it doesn’t work for us at all.
If anything, we get more disappointed, frustrated and even unhappier than we’ve ever been. (all the negative and the failures you’ve been experiencing have a snowball effect.)
Happiness is Not Just One Thing
You might have it all — money, the career you’re passionate about, wonderful kids, gorgeous wife, and then have health problems and you might be a very miserable person that complains about life all the time.
One thing you are passionate about will not suddenly make you happy. Just like excelling at one extremely important aspect of your life will not make you happy, unless the other important areas are not lagging behind while you are constantly progressing toward personal growth.
BUT, and it’s a very important BUT, it will definitely make you HAPPIER than you were. And that’s the key.
You are not looking for a “painkiller” for your life or a band-aid solution. You need to know how to sustain happiness.
Every Person Has a Baseline of Happiness
You want to keep it high by imbuing your life with meaning, enjoying the little things, having a passion for something, and exercising gratitude.
You need to have a snowball effect of all the good things happening in your life. Appreciate every single one of them!
So when something bad happens, and it surely will, it won’t crush you as much, and you won’t fall into depression. So shoot for REAL HIGH.
The baseline of happiness fluctuates all the time. That’s why sometimes you are happy, and other times you are not.
And it all depends on what I call “The Invaluable Pillars of Life” – the most critical and meaningful aspects of your life, IN YOUR OWN OPINION.
The Pillars are your core values. They are the foundation upon which you should be building your life.
Those might include health, family, fulfilling career, enjoying little moments, traveling, hobbies, passion, routine, ethics, self-development, and anything else you can think of that YOU find of the utmost importance to your own existence.
Therefore, no one can tell you what “your” happiness should look like.
When you try to be like somebody else hoping you’ll be happy, you fail. You are not them. Your core values are different.
If you are not happy, all that means is that your baseline of happiness dropped low, or that some of your Pillars are lagging behind. So you need to get a hold on them.
Be intentional, sit down right now, take a pen and a piece of paper. Think this through.
What are the Most Critical Aspects of Your Life?
Set your priorities straight.
Write them down.
Then think, which one of those are lagging behind and can really use some of your attention.
Use the 80/20 Rule
Which is particularly effective when it comes to happiness.
Which one thing, if you used 20% of your focus will produce 80% of the results in the given area of your life.
And you start working on it. Prioritize it over everything else as if your life depended on it. Once you got a hold of it. Great! Celebrate your victory!
Do not skip this step! Celebrating your victories is of the utmost importance.
You are your own Employer in a sense, so make sure to treat yourself the way, you want to be treated by your boss —with respect and kindness.
Then you select the next aspect of your life and do the same. What is the one thing that I can work on now that takes as little as 20% of my effort, and that will provide me with 80% of results?
Again, Plan and Execute
And do it now. Do not postpone this.
NOW!
Every single victory of yours will be pushing your baseline of happiness up. Faster than you know, you will reach the tipping point.
And not only that, because you will be working on your core values, your overall quality of life will skyrocket! Working on your values requires taking responsibilities.
Do you know what affect responsibilities have on your life? The most profound! They give your life meaning.
If you find that your life is lacking meaning or you are one of the nihilists, it is okay, but DO pick up more responsibilities and do them well — in no time you will notice, your life is full of meaning.
Meaning is an organic drive or motivation for you to move forward. Meaning and happiness, if you get both, congratulations, you have just won the Jackpot of life!
Past the life-necessities threshold, buying new things will not improve your quality of life, being a better person will.
Sustaining Happiness is Simple if You Do Your Due Diligence
That means you focus and take care of the Pillars on a daily basis(which you should if you didn’t lie about their importance!). That will raise your happiness baseline significantly and you’ll be able to sustain it for life.
If you’ve never been intentional with your life and every single Pillar is in a really dire spot, don’t get frustrated. Do not give up!
“You can climb out of hell one inch at a time” – Al Pacino.
Not only it’s possible, but it’s also necessary and it’s doable! Massive action is the key.
Use the same method, write all of your Pillars down.
Create a plan where you’d write under each Pillar what one action would take only 20% of your effort and time but produce 80% of the results, and go execute! And you do the same for all other pillars.
If you don’t slack off, you will see incredible results in no time. You will be amazed by your transformation.
There is No Shortcut to Sustaining Happiness, There is Only Hard Work
However, this “hard work” is very enjoyable once you start getting positive results. You are building a better version of you.
You are making the most important and the most profitable investment of your life – investment in yourself.
Make sure you learn to celebrate and appreciate your victories. Especially small ones.
Happiness is not a destination. It’s the journey that you need to learn to enjoy along the way.
