Everybody longs to be happy because life, at the base of it all, is a pursuit of happiness and fulfillment. We want to be rich, famous, influential. We want to feel important and valued. We want to love the ones we love and have them love us back, because we want to be happy.
The problem that I see though is that we mostly treat happiness like it’s something that needs to happen to us, rather than come from within us. We chase all the things we want, ignoring the things we have, and end up feeling unhappy because we don’t have them.
But happiness is a state of mind.
I believe I am one of the happiest people in the world. Even though I’ve always been either broke or lived from paycheck to paycheck, dealt with a good share of suffering and I have a whole ton of things I’d like to do in this life, I am happy. Because happiness is something that lives inside you, not out there someplace.
It is an internally-driven emotion, and while it may be influenced by external factors, it usually exists and is controlled inside of you. You may not have all the things you want, but when you are grateful for all the things you have, it’s easier to be happy.
I think in the world we live in today, it’s getting harder and harder to be really, truly happy. Every day, there are big, flashing neon signs and the market is trying to sell you on the idea a”what you need to buy to be happy”, Instagram pictures and models, and Twitter threads that keep telling us why someone else has it better than us. We’ve turned happiness into a dopamine rush that only gives you your fix when you’re holding the latest iPhone or have a bazillion likes on Facebook.
But it should not be any of that. Constantly chasing a dopamine spike is like chasing your own tail—I don’t think you can catch it. But even if you could, you wouldn’t be able to hold on to it for long.
I believe true happiness is not the cosmetic feeling you get from external factors. Instead, it is the deep-seated feeling of oneness with your being, contentment at what you have and knowledge that you can achieve all you want.
Are you a thermometer or a thermostat?
The thermometer – thermostat analogy has been around for a while but I think it perfectly captures what it means for happiness to be a state of mind.
A thermometer measures its outside environment and reacts to it. When you want to test something for heat or its absence, you stick a thermometer in and it will in turn react to whatever is around it.
But a thermostat works differently. Rather than just reacting to the environment, a thermostat controls what’s around it. If it finds that the room is a little lacking in heat, it’ll turn the heater on and make things right again.
A person that has a thermometer mindset always has to source their happiness from outside. I know far too many people with such mentality. For them, happiness is a fruit of the next achievement, and as long as they don’t have that thing, they cannot feel happy. This is the perfect recipe to search but never find happiness.
However, when you have a thermostat mindset, you don’t need external stuff to make you happy. In fact, you don’t need much at all. Your emotions are yours to control and you radiate happiness from within. If there’s anything you don’t like about your circumstances, it doesn’t get to you because you know the power to do something about it lies in your hands.
I think your ability to choose how you see the world is everything.
You can choose to see bad in everything, and you will obviously find it. But so can be said about the good.
I think suffering is inevitable in life at one point or another. But you can most certainly find something good to take away even from the most despicable situations life throws at you. For one, just the sheer amount of strength and courage that it takes to overcome such a thing.
But there is always much more than that, if you are willing to look. Choose to grow from your circumstances and experiences and decide to become a better person as a result.
And you know what’s the best part of having a “thermostat” mindset? Even when you don’t get what you want —which is often by the way — you remain happy, because you can maintain an attitude of being grateful for what you already have.
So, happiness really is a state of mind and it’s one you should always try to live in.
Happiness is a state of mind – but is that always enough?
The truth is, even though happiness is a state of mind, that might not always work for the best. Here’s why.
You’ll see a lot of people tell you that you should work on being happy. The general advice is – feel happy in a funk—’fake it till you make it’ kind of thing. Why don’t you think positive thoughts and make all the blues go away? This is a terrible suggestion.
Yes, you may think positive thoughts and the blues may go away, but they won’t be away for long. Sooner or later, they will be back and then you’ll go searching for more positive thoughts to chase the ghosts away again.
That’s the fundamental problem with states of mind – they’re all temporary. It’s widely said that happiness as a feeling is fleeting. As humans, we go through at least dozens of states of mind every day. At one point, you’re lonely, at another you’re irritated, then angry, then pleased, then confused, then proud and on and on and on. That’s life.
If happiness is something you always have to remind yourself of, then I don’t know if you’ll ever be truly happy. Yes, you can think happy (and this often comes in handy when you’re really down. Avoiding negative or toxic people when that happens might be huge), but overall, it is better to be happy.
So, while happiness can be a state of mind, that’s not all it is or should be. I think happiness can be more than a state of mind. It can be a state of being.
The state of being happy
I think it’s very important to note that happiness is way more than a fleeting feeling of pleasure or the joy you feel when something really good happens. It’s a deep seated feeling of oneness with your being, contentment and appreciation of what you have and knowledge that you can achieve anything you put your mind and effort to.
It is more than a state of mind that may come and go with the events of the day. Instead, it is a profound feeling right in the center of your being that’s wrapped up in the hope, contentment and confidence you feel in yourself.
It’s the feeling you get from having balance in your life and feeling a sense of equilibrium with where you are and where you’re going.
This is crucial. I love personal development, but sometimes the message you get is skewed and somewhat toxic. It’s subtly implying that no matter how much you improve and do better you are never enough.
It’s just wrong.
You are enough for your own happiness! Don’t let anybody tell you otherwise. You need to find your peace and be okay with the way you are right now, but at the same time always strive to improve.
In the game of life, balance is the key and you need to find one that works specifically for you.
Compared to the temporary nature of states of mind, this is far more permanent. It’s the baseline of happiness and you got full control over it. While it can be temporarily interrupted by states of anger, irritation, pain, dissatisfaction, discomfort, etc., it’s a state you can return to once the funk is gone.
In this sense, I think happiness is more like your default setting rather than a state you constantly have to go into.
It is okay to get in a funk once in a while?
Of course. If you’ve consumed my content before, you’d know even though I have a christian background I share a lot of buddhist believes. One of which is that suffering being inevitable part of our lives. We just gotta discover our way how to deal with it or at least reduce it. Which is not nothing.
Life itself is a roller coaster of ups and downs. You’ll get beaten down from time to time and carry a scowl mighty enough to cause a thunderstorm. 🙂
But what’s important to remember is it’s only a state of mind, it’s always temporary, and ultimately, you determine your happiness.
What happens if you really do not feel good about anything in your life and simply do not have anything approaching happiness as a result?
The truth is you can still be happy. Here’s a tip.
- Start by being grateful for the things you have.
- Congratulate yourself for the things you have achieved. Small victories too—every little step forward counts!
- Reassure yourself of your confidence in your ability to do the things you want.
- If there are things that are really interfering with your ability to be happy, don’t just sit , go out and actually do something about that. That’s the essence of being a thermostat!
- Meditate, sleep well, eat whole foods (cut sugar) and exercise
As you continue in this way and keep repeating these steps, you’ll find yourself steadily becoming more content with yourself. You’ll enter into a state of happiness that needs no external motivators.
Remember that you have the power to control your life and regulate your own happiness. So take that power into your hands today and set a new baseline of happiness, balance and contentment for yourself.
