I went shopping the other day with my friend. She was pointing out that there were no gentlemen left on Earth. That was funny to me, Because it didn’t take long for me to notice something interesting.

We’ve gone to quite a few different shops, department stores and coffee places that day.

I opened most of the doors for her and so did other people.

That’s like what…three of four dozen doors.

So, guess, how many times did she say thank you?

Once.

That didn’t discourage me from opening or holding the doors. Because you are not doing it to get a thank you in return. 

But it sure made me think why there are not that many gentlemen left out there.

And every day that number is less and less.

We are not practicing gratitude nearly enough as we should.

We take everything for granted.

You might be grateful deep inside, but if you don’t express it, the other person will never know his actions are appreciated.

We are all like animals in a way, if you don’t reinforce and reward good behavior, it won’t stick for long.

To which my friend would say: “Yea yea, in the IDEAL world, you shouldn’t have to reinforce anything.”

Well, in the real world you better be, if you still wanna have gentlemen around.

Just to give you an example of what happens pretty often.

You are a lady and you think that the man ahead of you ought to open or hold the door for you. So when he doesn’t you get upset or frustrated.

When this happens 100 times, you get resentful of men not being gentlemen. Then you might go on and brag about it.

You are sabotaging your happiness because you EXPECT that men must open the door for you.

But the reality is…

NOBODY OWES YOU ANYTHING.

If someone does something nice and kind for you (such as opening the door) give that person a cheering smile.

It wouldn’t hurt to say thank you and mean it. Just think about it for a second. People are busy: we are all constantly in a rush and so are you. But regardless of that, someone went out of their way to make an effort to do something nice for you. Recognize that—It’s a nice thing to do. It’s an act of kindness. Not to mention the fact that it’s also a sign of good manners.

Let me ask you this, what have you personally done to contribute to having gentlemen around?

And not just gentlemen, but nice and kind people too.

Have you paid it forward in any way?

There is definitely a ton of people that opened the door for you in your lifetime. A ton.

Instead of focusing on the times that someone didn’t open the door for you and the other things that you expected, which didn’t happen, why don’t you shift your focus on those good men and women that are still out there?

Somebody did something nice for you, say something like, “Oh wow. Thank you very much. I appreciate that! We need more gentlemen in the world, like YOU.” See, saying something along these lines may have a profound effect on that man or woman. It will brighten their day.

Compassion, kindness, and love are highly contagious.

If you “enjoyed” that little moment, and would like to welcome more of “that” in your life, may be there’s something you could do. You could certainly spread it around.

Someone does something nice for you. Pay it forward.

Be on the look out when good things happen, and make sure to acknowledge them when they happen. And don’t be shy to give people credit when it’s due. 

You do want to have more gentlemen around, right?

You’ve got to reinforce good behavior for it to stick.

Let’s imagine you didn’t acknowledge when someone went out of their way to do something for you. Now think about it, a man opens the door for a lady, and she walks right in like nothing special happened. 

No emotions—straight ‘poker face’. Or worse off, which is not uncommon—she’d look annoyed and frustrated like she didn’t need you to open that door for her.

And even though that person might have been in a rush to catch a train, but he made time and effort to do a nice thing for you, and what he got in return is not even a simple thank you; just your attitude. Certainly it wouldn’t discourage the person from doing the right thing just yet.

However, what do you think is going to happen when this situation repeats one hundred and six times?

He or she will recognize that their efforts are not being appreciated in the slightest, the good deed is a waste of his precious time and energy (remember: we are all busy; not just you). There is not even a simple thank you in return, so why bother doing it at all?

And now you see the glimpse of the slow but steady process that leaves fewer gentlemen around. And fewer people doing nice and kind things for others.

Personally, I open and hold doors for people among other things because I was taught so and I still think that’s the right thing to do, and I do it regardless of whether It’s being acknowledged or not.

However, If I’m being completely honest, I don’t nearly do it as often as I used to.

Particularly, I like when I see a person in the 20s behind me slowly dragging themselves towards the elevator and not showing any sense of urgency at all while I hold the doors for them.

 I might wait a little, and then just close the door in front of their face, maintaining the eye contact, of course.

Savage mode:-)

I don’t think I’ve done that yet, but there are certainly times when I feel, I should. The temptation…ah.

I noticed another trend happening too, quite a few times I had a conversation with people, and they’d say something along the lines of, “I am an independent strong woman, I don’t need men to open or hold doors for me. I don’t need help, because I can do all of that myself.”

Here’s the thing. No one is or was questioning that. 

Nobody opens the door for you in a demeaning way or because they think you’re weak, or for some other stupid reason. No.

People open doors for you, because it’s the right thing to do.

Also, it is a simple gesture of respect. It’s being nice and kind to each other. It’s super important.

By no means, it’s to establish our power or superiority over anyone. That’s so dumb. Do you know that men open and hold the doors for other men too? Happens a lot. Is it to show our power and superiority over each other as well?!

Yes, we certainly do quite a lot of “carrot” measuring contests on a daily basis but that’s definitely not one of them.

These are just manners. And manners are super important. 

Be kind to each other.