Have you been through a recent traumatic event? Many of us who go through a negative life change can struggle with how to feel and when. With judgments from friends, family, and people around us, often you can question whether your feelings are normal. And if you’re not showing the same signs of grief as the ‘norm’, it can be difficult.
Dealing with grief is an entirely different experience for every individual – there is no short answer or quick fix. If you’re not showing sadness yet, you may further down the line. Past experiences, how your family raised you, and previous mental health issues may all factor into how you process and express emotions—and how you grieve, in particular.
In this article, you will learn about grief. You don’t need to respond to grief in one way or another. Whatever your response is, regardless of the issue, you’re valid.
Why Am I Still Happy After a Trauma?
Mental health is a long and confusing topic. Psychologists are still trying to discover the exact reasons we feel certain things and why each brain works so differently from the rest.
After something terrible happens in our lives, each of us reacts differently. The way you may respond is entirely down how your brain copes with a negative situation and a multitude of other factors. Let’s talk about some of the major ones:
Previous Experiences With Mental Health
Are you already suffering from issues with mental health? Or have you experienced them in the past? This could affect how you feel after a trauma.
Many people who have previous mental health issues may feel worse after an ordeal, usually with anxiety and depression issues. A death in the family may re-spark old, depressive habits, or aggravate current ones.
Yet this could also work the other way. Someone who struggles with anxiety or with depressive issues may be slightly numb to bad experiences. Both depression and anxiety can work to numb the body as a chemical response to protect you.
One form of protecting the body is a feeling known as ‘Depersonalization’. To simply put—this is where the body is in a heightened sense of stress. This results in the person feeling numb, or as if they’re in a dreamlike state.
Although this can happen after a trauma, it can also happen to those suffering from severe anxiety, like yours truly. So if you’re feeling rather unfazed after a shock and have previous anxiety problems – this may be why.
Think about your mental health before the trauma occurred. This may help you to decipher your recent feelings. Remember that all of this is extremely normal, and you shouldn’t be sorry for dealing with grief.
How You Were Brought Up
As you probably know, the way we were nurtured as we developed has a huge impact on how we deal with feelings. If your family raised you to not fear death, you might not feel emotional when it happens to a loved one.
How you are raised and how your parents deal with stress can model how you handle it yourself. Did your family teach you that death is natural? Were they open to discuss it? Then you may handle your feelings better. If your family openly talked about feelings, then you may find it easier to cope.
This could mean that the trauma may not affect your life, the way it would others. I know I’ve said it before, but it’s just so important to point out that this doesn’t mean you’re not normal, as we all handle feelings and emotions in different ways. It could just mean you are more in touch with your emotions and know how to keep your spirits lifted.
Past Experiences and Stresses
If you have been through some tough childhood experiences, you may know how to pick yourself up now. This is because you have dealt with your emotions before and probably learned how to deal with them in the healthiest of ways.
You may be familiar with the situation you are currently in and are much more able to cope this time around. This is a type of life experience. You have learned to handle the stresses you were not able to deal with in the past.
But this could also work the opposite way. Some people going through repeated traumatic experiences may grieve harder as they could not fully heal from past traumas.
Is It Okay to Feel Nothing When Someone Dies?
You may find yourself feeling like nothing has even happened. This is completely normal. It is okay to feel nothing when someone you love dies.
This is just the way your body is dealing with the situation. Some may break down and cry. Some may experience depression and anxiety issues. However, some people seem unfazed.
You must not listen to judgments. Be that coming from your family or somewhere else. That in and of itself is a great piece of a life advice in general, but all the more so here. Ignore those who ask you why you haven’t cried as everyone’s bodies deal with stress differently. Some may grieve for a few weeks, some months, and some years.
Some may be too shocked at first to apprehend the situation, only to be struck down with grief months later.
If something negative has happened in your family, and you don’t feel any different, you can still be grieving.
How Previous Mental Health Issues Can Make Us Numb
Jumping into what we discussed earlier, how was your mental health before the ordeal?
Anxiety
If you found that you suffered from anxiety, the way you feel now could be a result. Many people that suffer with anxiety are in a constant ‘Fight or Flight’ mode. This means that their bodies are releasing adrenaline in situations where they don’t need it.
If you worry about answering the phone or going to work, your body may release adrenaline. This is your body’s response to situations that scare you, as a means of protection. Adrenaline gives you the energy to fight or run in a bad situation.
Yet in such small situations, releasing adrenaline just causes discomfort. So you may feel symptoms. Such as sweating, heart palpitations, feeling nauseous, or needing to go to the bathroom.
I’ve struggled with severe anxiety for a long time, it can drastically diminish the quality one’s life. If you want to learn a bit more about different kinds of anxiety and tips for dealing with each, check out this page: How to Deal with Anxiety and Worry.
If you have been dealing with anxiety for a while, you may be familiar with Depersonalization. This is that weird feeling of being in a dream while you are awake. If you suffer severely, this may be a regular occurrence. There have been many cases of people feeling like this for months or years on end.
This feeling numbs you to everyday life, and to negative ordeals that may occur. So if you’re not feeling sad after a trauma, ask yourself this: ‘Do I feel happy, or do I feel numb?’
The answer is simple: your anxiety may be releasing adrenaline to help you cope.
Depression
Another mental health ailment that can prevent us from feeling sad is depression.
This may sound ridiculous since we assume depression makes us sad. Yet, depression very often makes us numb.
Depression can be similar to anxiety but with some differences. Depression is a chemical imbalance in the brain. Which often leaves us unable to feel and process emotions how we usually would.
If you have been previously suffering from depression, you may find that you are numb to trauma and bad experiences. Meaning you are unable to process your emotions as most people do. You may feel how you normally do; for example, you may still be able to crack a joke. You may feel nothing at all.
It is important to know that this feeling is a normal reaction to a loss of life challenges. In fact, in 2016, The National Institute of Mental Health estimated that 16.2 million U.S. adults have suffered from depression. That is a lot of people! If you are feeling this way, you are most definitely not alone.
Conclusion
If you’ve been through some trauma and are feeling fine, it’s nothing to worry about. But look after yourself and keep an eye on how you are feeling. Always reach out to someone close to you if you need support.
Sometimes, that is not possible. Sometimes their judgement can make things worse. There are still ways to get the support you need.
If you or someone you know is in crisis—whether they are considering suicide or not—please call the toll-free Lifeline at 800-273-8255 to speak with a trained crisis counselor 24/7.
