Whether you’re dealing with internet know-it-alls or negative people in your life, negative comments can hurt. People can be cruel. Sometimes, they just want to bring you down and there’s nothing you can do to stop them.
But how do you weather those comments? How can you make sure that they don’t hurt? Dismissing a negative comment or insult can be difficult, but it’s not impossible.
Here are 10 ways how to stop being affected by others comments, so that you can move towards caring less about the opinions of others and being your truest self.
1. It’s Not You, It’s Them
This may sound like an excuse or a way to push the blame for what you’re feeling off on others. That is not the case. You have to realize that someone who goes out of their way to make terrible comments – especially if they can be anonymous about it – likely has more than a few issues of their own.
It takes a lot of effort for someone to make a snide or cruel comment. Just think about this…
What does it say about them that they take the time out of their day to do it? Because of social media and internet culture, we are often exposed to these types of people more often than we would be otherwise.
When people make unnecessarily rude or callous comments, just remember that it says more about them. The only thing you can control is how you react to what they say. You definitely can’t control how others act or react to you. So dive into what you can control.
Of course, it’s obvious that listening to constructive criticism is important and can give you a valuable information and insight, that you wanna use to make better decisions next time. You live, you learn, right.
However, keep in mind that someone making negative comments is probably very unhappy or has a lot on their plate. They are bitter or angry themselves, and the only way they can make themselves feel better is to try and drag people down with them.
While I don’t think that it’s always the case, but it’s a good rule in general. When someone makes a rude comment, it usually has very little to do with you. It may help you deal with it if you keep that in mind.
2. Understand Your Worth
Everything that you do has value. So often, social media tells us that what we do only has value when others appreciate it, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. The posts you make, the pictures you post, and the things you do in your life have value even if no one is watching.
It’s important to find that understanding.
You are a person, not a commodity. You have a place in the world no matter what you’re posting – or not at all.
There are other areas in your life where finding and understanding your value can help you. If a stranger reacts negatively to you, they don’t know or appreciate your value. Remember, it’s up to you to know what you’re worth even when others don’t.
Having a strong sense and understanding of your self-worth is the only way to overcome this.
The comments that people make can be your training ground for dealing with life’s big disappointments. If you take the time to improve your self-esteem and teach self-love and compassion, it will help you in all aspects of your life.
If you struggle with low self-esteem to the point that it gets in the way of your happiness and fulfillment, I’d suggest to give therapy a shot.
I know there is a stigma behind getting help. But do not ever let other people opinion and judgement to stop you from doing what’s important and right. Such as taking care of your health, physical, emotional and spiritual. There aren’t many things in life that can be more important than health. Take a good care of yourself, because you matter!
3. Trust Yourself
No one knows you like you do. Especially the person on the internet making snide comments. They don’t know who you are deep within. For the most part, we’re fairly good at knowing what’s best for us. The opinions of others don’t change this.
The person in your ear that’s telling you to change what you’re doing, that you’ll never succeed, and that something about you is wrong – they don’t really know you. They don’t know how far you’ll go to achieve your dreams or the drive you have to succeed. Only you know that!
So when it comes to dealing with negative comments, you have to trust yourself. You have to keep following your instincts and know your limits. No matter how much someone tries to change you, they can’t do anything about it – they can’t change how you act.
And they also can’t be responsible for your failures. At the end of the day, you are the one who pays the price if you mess up. You’re the one who reaps the rewards of your success. Nothing anyone says can change that unless you allow it to get to you.
So leave their negativity behind and trust in your instincts and your truth. Believe that you will do the right thing. Know that you can achieve whatever you put your mind to, even if you achieve it in your special way.
4. Dive Into Your Reactions
Why are you so affected by what others think? There are a number of reasons you may react the way you do to the comments of others. When you take a moment to examine the feeling you get when you receive the comment, you may be able to identify what is causing the pain.
That doesn’t mean that your reaction is bad, or that you shouldn’t feel it. Feeling that pain is valid. Allow yourself to feel it, even if you choose not to react to it. Keep asking questions. Ask yourself why the opinions and comments of others is affecting you so deeply.
Is it triggering some memory from your past? Does it invoke a feeling of worthlessness or failure? When you identify the root of the problem, you can begin to work on solving the mystery of why you feel the way you do.
And that’s a good thing. Once you learn what’s causing the discomfort you feel when others make unnecessary comments, you can try and combat it. When you can reason with the way you’re feeling, you may find that it’s much easier to move on from negativity.
If you can understand why someone’s opinions hurt you, you can overcome that hurt feeling. Self-awareness is a powerful tool that can help you stop being affected by what other people say and do.
Personally, I think that the best way to drastically improve self-awareness is mindfulness meditation also known as “insight” or Vipassana. It’s incredible, highly recommend!
5. Perspective is Everything
Shifting your perspective is one of the best ways to deal with negative comments. It’s natural and valid to feel hurt when someone is cruel to you. Changing that feeling takes a lot of practice and a lot of self-reflection work. The first step you can take to help yourself is to change your perspective.
You probably feel attacked when you hear something negative about yourself. You may feel upset that someone doesn’t like you, or angry that they are saying these things. Shifting out of that mindset is key to overcoming others’ opinions.
Instead, think of where they’re coming from. We don’t always like to examine our flaws, but is there some truth in what they’re saying?
This isn’t always the case, but it can be eye-opening to become aware of something you didn’t realize you were doing. Come from a place of humility when addressing these comments. You don’t have to agree with what they’re saying to understand where it’s coming from.
You can also try to look at the person. Consider the source of the comments and examine what might have prompted them to speak up. Of course, this doesn’t always work: internet culture sometimes allows people to be cruel for no reason (and with no repercussions).
Still, whenever possible, attempt to place yourself in the person’s shoes and try and understand where they’re coming from.
Most often, we criticize others for things we dislike about ourselves. This projection could be a source of their negativity. In this case (and many others), there’s nothing you can do to change them. You can’t change their mind. You can’t make people like you, and you can’t make them stop reflecting their own issues.
So the best thing you can do to help combat the bad feelings that negative comments give you is to consider the source. Shift your perspective a little and try to understand why someone would say these things. If all else fails, understand that there is nothing you can do to change it and move on.
6. Find the Humor Behind the Hurt
One of the best defenses you can have against the comments of others is a sense of humor. Most of the time, people make cruel comments to try and get a reaction from you. They want you to be hurt and angry. Why else would they go out of their way to make these comments?
When you don’t give them that reaction, they may continue to needle you. Turning those comments into jokes is a great way to give them a reaction they weren’t necessarily looking for.
There is a difference between finding the humor in an unfair critique and hiding the pain it causes you under a facade. Make sure that you’re not doing the latter. It can be harmful to your mental health to push those bad feelings down and try to act cheerful.
Instead of making a mean-spirited joke at their expense, maybe poke some fun at yourself. Even if what they’ve said is hurtful, you can choose to not take yourself so seriously. Self-deprecating jokes can be excessive and harmful over time as well, so you have to be careful that you don’t put yourself down too much.
Essentially, you have to find the balance between taking offense at their words and finding some humor in the critique that they’ve made. It isn’t easy, but with some practice and a lot of reflection, you can find a way to diffuse the situation with humor. Use laughter to deflect the hurt they’re trying to cause you and they’ll find that their attempts to upset you aren’t working.
7. Keep Doing Things on Your Terms
The opinions of others can be helpful in certain situations. When you ask for input, getting feedback on your decisions or actions can help you see them objectively. However, most of the mean comments you get aren’t going to be your requested feedback.
When others can’t help but share their opinions about you, you have a choice to make. You can allow them to dictate how you behave. You can change certain things about yourself to become more favorable to them. You can give them the power to hurt and change you to their liking.
Or you can keep doing what you’re doing. If you are making decisions that you feel are right, don’t stop. If you’re pursuing something that makes you happy, keep going after it! Don’t let the opinions of others change the way that you do things, especially if those things bring you joy.
There’s a reason that you’re doing things the way you are. You have your own talents, beliefs, and unique outlooks to offer! Don’t let others suppress them to make themselves feel more comfortable.
Ignore the naysayers and keep doing things on your terms. Don’t let the opinions of others steal your joy, even if those opinions are valuable to you.
8. Minimize Knee-Jerk Reactions
When someone makes a comment that hurts, you’re going to react. However, the first reaction that you have to the situation is usually not the best or most productive way to deal with it.
If you immediately want to be angry at the person making the comment, it may lead you to start an argument. When you react in anger, you aren’t thinking clearly. This gives the person who made the comment the opportunity to make you feel worse.
Especially when it comes to social media platforms or your work place, you don’t want to say something that you’ll regret later. Evaluate the situation and avoid taking the first knee-jerk action that comes to mind. Slow down and make a calculated decision on how you want to handle the situation.
When you cool down and think it through, you might find that your anger is misplaced. Alternatively, you could decide that you aren’t that hurt after all. Perhaps the person who made the comment didn’t mean to upset you.
That isn’t to say that you’re overreacting when you get angry at a mean comment. The anger, hurt, and frustration you feel is completely valid, especially if you feel personally attacked. But if you take the time to calm yourself and look at the situation with a clearer head, you may find that the comment doesn’t affect you as much.
Take your time when dealing with situations like this. It’s a bit easier to avoid these knee-jerk reactions in social media situations. You aren’t forced to respond to the comment at all, or at least not in real-time, and you can take several hours to respond if you find that suits you better.
In a conversation, it’s a bit harder to think about your reaction. Still, you should take a few seconds to look deeper than the anger and hurt and discover what’s driving those feelings.
9. Stand Your Ground
It isn’t easy to stand up to people who are making comments about you. Your first reaction may be to fight back and tell them why you’re wrong, or you may want to avoid the subject and avoid conflict. If you fight back, you may get into an argument. No matter who’s making the comments, that’s a stressful thing to face.
Everyone will have their own comfort level when it comes to confronting those who are making the comments. The important thing about dealing with others’ opinions this way is to stay within your comfort zone. Don’t go out of your way to start conflict if that isn’t your thing, and don’t put yourself in a bad mental place just to address the comments.
Stand your ground in the way that is most comfortable for you. If that means firing back at a mean remark, go for it! If that means refusing to listen to someone who is being unnecessarily cruel or loud with their opinions, that’s okay too.
Find a way to stand your ground. However you choose to do it, it can help you move on from the comments and opinions of others. When you start sticking up for yourself, you may find that it’s easier to ignore the hurtful words of others.
10. ‘Loud’ Doesn’t Always Mean ‘Right’
Lastly, you have to remember that just because someone is loud, it doesn’t mean that they are right. Someone can make mean comments repeatedly, but how loud and frequently they speak out doesn’t validate what they’re saying. No matter what type of comment it is, don’t take it at face value just because someone is shouting it.
Whether it’s someone sharing their opinion of you in your life or on social media, you know yourself best. Often, they make loud comments in an attempt to draw attention to themselves. As we’ve mentioned before, how they act towards you has nothing to do with you most of the time. It says a lot about them, however.
So just because someone is making loud or frequent comments about you, they aren’t necessarily right. They only have the power you give them. Often, they are only being so persistent because they are after your attention.
Conclusion
No matter where they’re coming from, the unsolicited opinions of others can hurt. Hopefully, some of these ideas can help you overcome the hurt and stop being affected by others’ comments. Remember: you can’t control how others act, but you can control how you react!
