I’ve been fortunate enough to be happy ever since I was little. I have a few ideas I’d like to share with you so that you, too, can be happy.

The beauty is—happiness is subjective. It does not depend on other people, it depends on you. Understanding that can help you to start treating everyone and everything else as a bonus. 

You don’t wanna give that power to anybody: not your mom, spouse, president or God. It’s yours alone. That’s a big deal, as it should make a crucial shift in your perspective on life. 

Because once you’re able to internalize the idea of happiness not being depended on anyone other than yourself, wonderful things can begin happening in your life. 

For starters, you wouldn’t take things or people for granted anymore. And you’ll appreciate the world around you that much more. It makes all the difference. When you live your life from a place of gratitude, you slowly, but surely, start cultivating happiness. 

Make yourself accountable for your own happiness. It is your responsibility, alone, to find out what that “thing” is.

What happens too often are that many people expect their partners to make them happy. As if it was their job. But it’s not their job. Many marriages fail because of this misunderstanding.

You gotta figure out what happiness is for you. 

If you’re feeling lost, and don’t know where to start. Maybe you need a fresh perspective.

I think happiness is simple. Or, at very least, it’s not that complicated.

You can start with your mindset. Acknowledge and accept who you really are and what circumstances you were dealt. Not at inflated version of yourself that you are trying to sell to your friends, family and co-workers. The real you. Have compassion for yourself. Not pity, but kindness and love. Don’t judge yourself. 

Understand, that the quality of your life depends solely on your interpretation of it. How you see everything is everything. Stop being a victim or playing one. Even if you are. No one cares. Own it. Reality doesn’t care. You need to care about yourself, You. Your needs, your wants. No one else will do it for you. You need to create happiness for yourself. It’s not gonna magically appear in your life. You make it happen. If it’s not there, create it.

 How? 

Practice mindfulness.

Start by working on your self-awareness and pay extra-close attention how different things and people affect you. In what way, to what degree, and what can you do about that. 

Focus on the positive interactions, do more of those. Stack them up. Happiness is not about chasing pleasures. It’s about doing things that are meaningful and great for you in a long term. Practice art of delayed gratification. Good things will compile, just like bad things do. Don’t underestimate the power of a compound effect. Every little positive change you make can snowball out of control and transform your life from being miserable to being really happy. It all starts by taking accountability and understanding simple truth.

Nobody owes you anything.

Unfortunately, it seems as if many people have it backwards.

They build their world up: career, relationships, responsibilities. And then they juggle it around and struggle to find a way  to be happy in what they created for themselves. 

My intuition says that a better way of approaching this would be going the other way around: discover and explore things and conditions that make you happy or happier, and then you create your world and make it revolve around that. 

I did that, and it works wonders for me. I’m happy. But that is why I believe that happiness is highly subjective. You gotta do you. Genuine 100% you. Not what your mom believes, or your best friend. You. If you were one hundred percent honest here, you’d realize — no one knows you 100%. They don’t have all the context. You do. 

This is why only you can make you happy.  

However, it’s easier than ever to get yourself in a trap when you see all these other people, celebrities and whatnot, living a dream and crushing it on Instagrams and Facebooks of the world.

One of the most important lessons of life that I learned is this.

Stop comparing yourself to other people.

I think that’s something you wanna internalize. I understand that that’s easier said than done. But if you are able to do that, it will forever change how you conduct yourself in the world. It will make you that much closer to what you actually want from life. 

“Using money you haven’t earned to buy things you don’t need to impress people you don’t like.” — Robert Quillen.

I first saw that quote over a decade ago. And that’s how long it took for me to finally “get it”. I’m sure glad I did. 

As I found out firsthand, magic happens when you finally start doing things that you find important and you care about, and not care as much about somebody else’s opinion of what “they think how you should be living your life.”

There’s another thing that can cripple the quality of your life and bid your happiness goodbye.

Lack of patience. It’s a killer of your dreams.

We want to be millionaires by the age of 25. And when that doesn’t happen, your mind starts messing with you. The voice in the back of your head starts creeping in, saying things like “you are a failure.” Eventually, it gets to you.

Many people become miserable, because they didn’t figure out life at 25. Even though that’s barely a quarter of your life.

You haven’t even begin to live, and yet you are already frustrated that you failed. You have just begun. Most of you are gonna live to over a 100. Realize that. 

The technology and the quality of life has never been better. I think we lack patience and perspective. My grandpa has always had regrets. I’d ask him, what were his dreams? He was 60 then. 

And he would tell me, that his life was over. He is 85 now, still kicking. And so is his spouse. And so are many of his friends. 

Many of you are 25 and you think it’s over. Think again. You just began to live. It’s okay not to have everything figured out yet. Be kind to yourself. Enjoy the journey!

One of the best ways I learned to do it right is to let go of who you wish you were, and be who you are.

I first stumbled upon this concept in Brené Brown’s work, The Gifts of Imperfections. (Amazing book, highly recommend it!) It dives deep on self-acceptance, compassion, love and belonging.

She talks about things that get in the way. Speaking of which.

Figure out things that make you unhappy, and cut them off.

“Happiness is a feeling of contentment, that life is just as it should be.”

This is something I read on the internet when I was doing my research.

I couldn’t believe what I just read. That’s ridiculous. If that was true, every single human would be miserable.

Am i satisfied with where my life is right now?

Not even close! Hell no. But guess, what. We never are. That’s what makes us human – an innate craving for constant improvement. That’s what drives progress.

Once you complete a goal, you set out the next one. And then the next one. That’s a never ending process.

But to be happy is to find a way to love the journey. The process.

Not the destination. Some how it makes sense to me. While you’re at it, is there anything  better to do? 

You’ve given this gift,  Life, as far as I can tell, you might as well try and make the best of it. The finish line of life is death. Slow down there, and enjoy what you have right now. While it lasts.

I might not be enjoying every single moment of my life. I don’t think anyone is. But where I am right now, I’m happy and grateful for what I have. 

I’m reasonably healthy and I do not worry about what I  have no control over. I have a place to sleep, and food to eat. Not always satisfied. Always craving for more. But very happy. And have been for a very long time.

I think happiness is something you cultivate through out the years. It’s a choice you make of being OKAY with the unknown, being okay that you haven’t figured everything out yet, but having compassion and trust that you will. 

Happiness is not about having everything you ever wanted. Because you understand perfectly clear, you can’t have everything. But that’s okay.

And it’s great to want to have more…but your inner compass should always remind you that  you are special, and what you have right now, in this moment, is enough. You are enough! 

Do not ever forget that!